How to win and influence People: January 2008

How we deal with the changes in life impacts how well we deal with
life itself. Do we see change as an opportunity for growth, or do we desperately
try to hang on to the status quo? Here are some tips to help you weather changes
and smooth out the bumps in your life.

1. Expand your horizons.

Use the change to learn something. Now is the time to become
computer literate, learn to take great pictures with the camera that's on the
closet shelf, or brush up on your writing skills in a creative writing class.
You'll learn something new and meet people who share a common interest with you.

2. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Pay attention to the food you eat to fuel your body. Choose
protein-rich foods, whole grains, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. As food
fuels your body, sleep fuels your brain. Get 7 or 8 hours a night if possible.
Exercise daily. It goes a long way to making you feel better.

3. Use your support network.

When you're feeling sad, confused, or overwhelmed, don't hesitate
to contact a friend, family member, clergy member or therapist. Choose someone
who will listen to you in a safe, non-judgmental way. Talking is a great way to
lighten your load as you work through your change.

4. Volunteer.

Give your time to help others and notice how rewarding it feels.
When your life seems to be in total upheaval, helping someone else puts things
in perspective. No matter how dismal things may seem, there are always plenty of
people who would gladly trade places with you. Remember that.

5. List the stable things in your life.

When change is swirling all around you and you feel totally off
balance, make a list of the things in your life that remain stable. What is your
daily routine? Do you wake up at the same time each morning and have coffee and
read the newspaper before work? Are there favorite television shows you watch?
Do you attend religious services each week? Listing the routine things you do
will remind you that there is some stability in your life.

6. Take your time.

Life can change in an instant, but it takes time to adjust to the
change. If you lose your job, don't expect an immediate adjustment to your
unemployed status. If you are widowed or divorced, it will take time to settle
into a new routine as a single person. Understand this and allow yourself to
ease into your new life situation.

7. Explore the opportunities in transition.

A door opens because another door has closed. This may be the time
to investigate something major like moving from a house to a condo or maybe to
another location. Perhaps you want to change your image with a makeover. What
about getting involved in local politics or opening a home business? All things
are possible.

8. Keep a journal.

Keeping a journal is very therapeutic. Write about how the changes
in your life are affecting you. What are your feelings? The journal is for your
eyes only, so write from your heart. No censoring your entries. That defeats the
purpose of journaling.

9. Take time for yourself.

Are you busy caring for others and neglecting yourself? When your
life is in transition, it is important to make time for yourself. To function
effectively, you must come from a place of wholeness. We all have the same 24
hours every day. Make yourself a priority, even if you have to set something
else aside. If necessary, schedule a daily appointment with yourself and keep
it.

10. Grieve for what you are losing.

Any change involves the loss of something. Give yourself
permission to grieve for what you are losing no matter how trivial others may
think it is. This is something you must get through in a way that is meaningful
to you so that you can move forward without regret.

The Strand I Could Not Fix

Like fog in the morning, the spirit of Christmas had vanished. Still, I shuffled in the garage. One by one, I retrieved the bins I'd stored the previous Christmas. While the aroma of sugar cookies wafted through the air and Silent Night played in the background, I began the decorating.

Placing the nativity scene as the focal point of our family room, I spread the rest of the decorations around the house: red and green candles, musical boxes with winter scenes, and bright red poinsettias framed with green garland adorned with burgundy, velvet bows. They all transformed our home into a lively winter land.

Next, I retrieved three stockings to fill the marked places above the fireplace; each embroidered with our sons' names: Jason, Jeff, and Joe. Once Jason and Jeff's were hung, with tears burning my eyes, I clutched Joe's against my chest.

The empty stocking sears my heart. It's been five years since the Lord called Joe home. Five years that Joe's absence left an emptiness we can almost touch. And five years that God's grace wiped away portions of the grief that flogged our hearts. But often, it's the scorching pain that opens our eyes to a bigger picture.

Years ago, when our three sons, including Joe, were still young, I focused on providing a perfect Christmas; a perfect tree to wrap a perfect celebration. As a result, little things tended to roil in me such as a light strand that refused to shine because of a burned bulb. Annoyed at the glitch, I promptly set off to resolve it -I fussed, I rearranged, plugged and unplugged until frustration grew hot in me.

How foolish and silly. I focused on that one bulb, dismissing the glow of the star atop the Christmas tree. I'd done the same with light bulbs that burned in my life-from broken relationships to shattered plans. Exerting tons of energy trying to fix them, I missed the star-- the one that gave significance to my life.

When that void in our heart aches to be filled, it's the star of comfort that makes it whole. When bitter sorrow robs the spirit of Christmas, it's the star of His genuine love that whispers joy. When a health diagnosis shakes our world, it's the star of reassurance that shines the certainty of new tomorrow's. It's the same star that never loses the brilliance of hope, incomprehensible hope, one we can only embrace when all strands of life burn out.

With eyes focused on the star, I hang Joe's stocking along with his brothers'; not empty anymore-but filled with sweet memories--his wit, laughter, his hugs and kisses.

For that reason, God called it His "Morning Star" to dispel our darkness, dry our tears and repair strands we cannot fix.

LIFE IS A THEATER

Life is a theater - invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships/fellowships!

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciateyou and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God -- the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God-- the more you seek things honorable -- the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.

Top New Year's Resolutions for 2008 and How to Keep Them

1. Get out of debt or save money
2. Lose weight
3. Develop a healthy habit (e.g., exercise or healthy eating)
4. Get organized
5. Develop a new skill or talent
6. Spend more time with family and friends
7. Other
8. Work less, play more
9. Break an unhealthy habit (e.g., smoking, alcohol, overeating)
10. Change employment

The survey also found that 35% of respondents break their New Year’s resolutions by the end of January and only 23% of those surveyed don’t ever break them. Nearly 40% of those surveyed attribute breaking their resolutions to having too many other things to do, while 33% say they are not committed to the resolutions they set.

Experts Stephen R. Covey, best-selling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness; Julie Morgenstern, professional organizer, time-management expert and best-selling author; and FranklinCovey (NYSE:FC), a global leader in effectiveness training, productivity tools, and assessment services, have partnered to give advice and offer 8 Tips for Making More Effective New Year’s Resolutions and Goals in 2008.

Covey says, “Begin the New Year by setting one New Year’s resolution. Ask yourself, ‘What one thing could I change that would significantly increase my happiness?’ Be honest with yourself and examine your intent, motive and desire for setting your goal. It must align with your deepest values, motivations and with what is most important to you. Otherwise you won’t have the passion or discipline to stay committed when the going gets tough, especially when there are so many other things distracting you from achieving your resolution.”

Morgenstern says, “Most New Year’s resolutions are articulated in the form of activities, such as ‘lose 10 lb, get organized, and get out of debt.’ Strengthen your conviction by identifying the ‘why’ behind the activity. The ‘why’ connects you to your bigger picture goals-the core values which give your life meaning. For example, Resolution - Exercise more. Why? To boost my energy and strength. Resolution - Get out of debt. Why? To gain sense of security. Resolution - Spend more time with family. Why? To deepen connections. Identifying the ‘why’ will help you be more successful in goal setting and in keeping your New Year’s resolutions.”

8 Tips for Making More Effective New Year’s Resolutions and Goals in 2008 from Stephen Covey, Julie Morgenstern and FranklinCovey:

Think of Your Resolutions as Goals

Since many resolutions are notoriously vague, lofty and overwhelming, instead, think of them as goals. Make sure each goal includes clear measurements and specific deadlines (e.g., If you want to lose weight, your goal should state how much weight you want to lose and when you want to lose it by).

Set Only 1 or 2 Realistic Goals

Don’t create a long list of goals. Instead only choose one or two. If you’re aiming to read 50 books, learn Italian, quadruple your savings and drop three clothing sizes, you’re not being fair to yourself. Set realistic, attainable goals, and build from there. (e.g., Save $200 or lose 3 lbs. by January 31). If you are a procrastinator, create short-term benchmarks to keep you on track week by week (e.g., Save $50 a week or exercise twice per week during the month of January).

Write Down Your Goals

The act of writing down your goals will increase your chances of achieving them. Make sure you write them somewhere you will review them often (e.g., a planner or prominent place in your home or office). By reviewing your goals daily, weekly and monthly, and the progress you are making towards them, you will stay more committed to achieving them.

Take Baby Steps

Break your goal down into tasks with deadlines and schedule them accordingly into your planning tool (planner, handheld, etc.) The less daunting the task, the more likely you will be to complete it (e.g., To lose weight you need to exercise, watch your calorie intake, drink enough water, etc.) Add each step to your task list or calendar to ensure it gets completed.

Go Public

Tell people you live or work with about your goal. When friends, family and co-workers know what you are working toward, they will be less likely to present you with temptations, more likely to notice or ask about your progress and encourage you. It also motivates you to remain committed to your goal so you don’t have to admit failure publicly.

Track Your Progress

Make a scoreboard where you can visually track progress toward your goal from your starting point to your end result. Post it where you will see it regularly (e.g., a planner or prominent place in your home or office) or wherever you have written down your goals.

Reward Yourself

Stay motivated by giving yourself rewards for incremental steps toward your goal. Achieving your goal is rewarding in and of itself, but why wait until you are at the end result to celebrate?

If You Slip Up, Recommit

Don’t get discouraged if you slip up. Everyone has bad days. Just forgive yourself, recommit to your goal and keep moving forward. Stay energized and motivated to achieve the end result.

75 Things You Can Do in 2008

Most people aren't Warriors, and I'm fine with it. Most people do things that don't make sense, and I'm fine with it. I've learned to accept the non-sense that fills this world. (Part of being a Warrior is accepting that most other people are not Warriors, and accepting them.) Still, the point is that people do things that don't make sense. They whine, complain, and cry over problems they can easily change. They get depressed over problems they cause for themselves.

For example, lazy people often whine that they don't make more money. Selfish people complain that they don't have more friends. Many people sabotage all their romantic relationships and then complain that they don't have a lover.

Granted, sometimes when something bad happens to a person it's purely bad luck. For example, you could be sitting in your well-built home while reading the newspaper and a tornado could tear your home up.

However, usually when you don't like what's happening in your life, it's your own damn fault. It's your fault if you're fat, lazy, uneducated, lonely, etc.

In the following, I list 75 things that you can do. You choose to do them or not. If you choose not to do these things, then you have no right to complain about your problems; your problems are your fault!

Stop watching television.
Stop eating fast food.
Stop eating pizza and fried foods.
Stop driving places that you could easily walk to.
Read at least 1 book a month.
Take classes in what interests you or your vocation.
Work enough to support yourself, and if needed get a new job or second job to make enough to support yourself. Never stick with a job that doesn't pay enough to support yourself no matter how much you work.
Pay off your debts and don't go in debt. You can pay off your debts if you avoid needless expenses, such as cable, overpriced clothes, impractical decorations, unhealthy snacks, jewelry, etcetera.
Don't buy a car on finance, and don't buy an expensive car if a cheaper one that works is available.
Wake up early, and get all your work done as quickly as possible. That includes household chores, as well as your employment.
Drink alcohol less or quit.
Do drugs less or quit.
Don't smoke cigarettes.
Don't eat foods with high fructose corn syrup.
Don't drink soda.
Don't eat sugary foods at all.
Don't drink more than 1 glass of juice per day.
Stand up straight and have good posture.
Look people in the eyes when you talk to them.
Smile.
Be polite.
Keep your promises.
Wear a watch, if you can afford it.
Eat breakfast.
If you eat cereal at any time, choose your cereal based on healthiness not tastiness.
Exercise at least 3 days per week.
Walk often.
Always write with correct spelling and grammar.
Never speak worse about a person behind their back than you do to their face. (Feel free to say nicer things about a person behind their back than to their face.)
Don't gossip and don't have a big mouth.
Never judge other people harsher than you judge yourself.
Make New Years resolutions, but make one every day instead of every year.
Volunteer.
Forgive, but never forget.
Don't have skeletons in your closet.
Keep as few secrets as reasonably possible.
Despite the rule before this one, keep your friends' secrets.
Politely tell people that you will not betray your friends' trust, when you are asked about their secrets and such.
Volunteering (i.e. activism) is more important than voting. If you can do both, good for you. If you only have time for one, volunteer instead of voting. It makes more of a difference.
Privately question your own values.
Avoid questioning other people's values, especially in public.
Listen more than you talk.
Use a journal to count how many calories you consume per day.
Use a journal to count how many calories you burn per day.
If you want to lose weight, burn slightly more than you consume. If you want to gain weight, consume slightly more than you burn. If you are happy with your weight, try to burn the same amount as you consume.
Weigh yourself daily at the same time(s).
Write your daily weight down in a journal.
Never allow the police to search you, your car, or your belongings if you do not have something to hide.
Never tell other people that you think they or something they are doing is immoral or sinful.
Keep your moral values and religion to yourself. Use them to direct your own actions.
Ask people how they are often and listen to their answer.
Laugh at other people's jokes, but not your own.
Shower at least once per day.
Wash your hands, even if you aren't an employee.
Take care of the elderly, which includes spending time with them and talking to them.
Avoid going places where you need to be waited on.
Wait on yourself wherever possible.
Make your friends look good.
Avoid lying.
Don't pretend to be better than you are. Don't pretend to be more successful, popular, etcetera.
Treat other people as if they are better than they are. Treat them as if they are more successful, popular, etcetera.
Don't brag about your talents. Instead, surprise people with them when they just happen to be called upon.
Sit up straight.
Keep your house clean.
If you have either of them, keep your car and office clean.
Stretch daily. (I do Yoga most mornings.)
Dance.
Take dancing lessons if you could use improvement.
Ask other people (e.g. your friends, your co-workers, your boss, etc.) what their favorite book is, and read it.
Ask their favorite song or band, and listen to it.
Ask their favorite movie, and watch it.
Don't be camera shy.
When your alarm goes off in the morning (if you use one), don't press snooze.
Make a budget and follow it.
Always turning off lights when leaving a room, unless of course there are others are in the room. For that matter, conserving any unnecessary electricity usage is key to the future of humanity.

How to spot an Email Hoax - Guide to Recognizing Hoaxes

Spotting the latest email hoaxes may be easier than you think!

There are thousands of email hoaxes moving around the Internet at any given time. Some may be the latest email hoaxes around. Others may be mutated versions of hoax messages that have travelled the Internet for years. These email hoaxes cover a range of subject matter, including:

Supposedly free giveaways in exchange for forwarding emails.
Bogus virus alerts.
False appeals to help sick children.
Pointless petitions that lead nowhere and accomplish nothing.
Dire, and completely fictional, warnings about products, companies, government policies or coming events.

The good news is that, with a little bit of foreknowledge, email hoaxes are easy to detect. Hidden within the colourful prose of your average email hoax often lurk telling indicators of the email's veracity.

Probably the most obvious of these indicators is a line such as "Send this email to everyone in your address book". Hoax writers want their material to spread as far and as fast as possible, so almost every hoax email will in some way exhort you to send it to other people. Some email hoaxes take a more targeted approach and suggest that you send the email to a specified number of people in order to collect a prize or realize a benefit.

Another indicator is that hoaxes tend not to provide checkable references to back up their spurious claims. Genuine competitions, promotions, giveaways or charity drives will usually provide a link to a company website or publication. Real virus warnings are likely to include a link to a reputable virus information website. Emails containing Government or company policy information are likely to include references to checkable sources such as news articles, websites or other publications.

A third indicator is often the actual language used. Email hoax writers have a tendency to use an emotive, "over-the-top" style of writing peppered with words and phrases such as "Urgent", "Danger", "worst ever virus!!", "sign now before it's too late" and so on, often rendered in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS for added emphasis. Paragraphs dripping with pathos speak of dying children; others "shout" with almost rabid excitement about free air travel or mobile phones. As well, some email hoaxes try to add credibility by using highly technical language.

Before forwarding an email, ask yourself these questions:

Does the email ask you to send it to a lot of other people?
Does the email fail to provide confirmation sources?
Is the language used overly emotive or highly technical?

A "yes" answer to one or more of the above questions, should start some alarm bells ringing. These indicators do not offer conclusive evidence that the email is a hoax but they are certainly enough to warrant further investigation before you hit the "Forward" Button.

ALCOHOL USE AND ABUSE (PART II)

ALCOHOL USE AND ABUSE [SECOND PART]

PREVALENCE

In the United States, 44 percent of adults eighteen years of age and older are current drinkers, consuming at least twelve drinks in the last year. Meanwhile, 7.4 percent, or approximately 14 million Americans, experience alcohol abuse or alcohol dependence. Heavy episodic or binge drinking has remained at the same approximate level of 16 percent for all adults since 1988, with the highest rate, 32 percent, among young adults ages eighteen to twenty-five. Over one-half of adults report having a close family member who has experienced alcoholism.

As few as 5 percent of the heaviest drinkers consume as much as 42 percent of the alcohol drunk in the United States, and 20 percent of drinkers account for nearly 90 percent of the alcohol consumed. The bulk of the alcohol drunk in the United States, therefore, is consumed by a relatively small population of very heavy drinkers.

Alcohol is also the drug most frequently used by children and adolescents. In 1999, over half (52%) of eighth graders (14-year-olds) and 80 percent of twelfth graders (18-year-olds) reported having used alcohol at least once. More problematic drinking occurs in 15 percent of eighth graders and 31 percent of twelfth graders, who reported binge drinking (consuming five or more drinks in a row) in the previous two weeks. Of American high school adolescents, over half (51%) currently drink alcohol. In 1999, one in three high school students reported heavy episodic drinking of five or more drinks on at least one occasion during the previous thirty days. The prevalence of heavy drinking commonly increases through adolescence into early adulthood.

HEALTH OUTCOMES

Alcohol use has health and social consequences for those who drink, for those around them, and for the nation as a whole. Approximately 100,000 deaths each year are attributed to alcohol use, making it the third leading cause of preventable mortality in the United States. Worldwide, 750,000 deaths are attributed to alcohol use each year. Alcohol-related deaths occur from cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, motor-vehicle crashes, falls, drowning, suicide, and homicide. Alcohol affects nearly every system in the body, and contributes to a range of medical problems, including altered immune system functioning, bone disease, hypertension, stroke, cardiovascular disease, reduced cognitive functioning, fetal abnormalities, traumatic injury, depression, gastrointestinal disorders, and cancers of the neck, head, stomach, pancreas, colon, breast, and prostate. Alcohol also produces significant social problems, including domestic violence, child abuse, marital and family disruption, violent crime, motor-vehicle crashes, worksite productivity losses, absenteeism, and lowered school achievement. The estimated cost of alcohol misuse in the United States in 1998 was nearly $185 billion.

Young people are particularly vulnerable to acute alcohol effects due to their lower tolerance to alcohol, their lack of experience with drinking, and drinking patterns that often include heavy episodic drinking in high-risk situations, such as during driving and sexual encounters. Leading causes of mortality and morbidity among youths include alcohol-related motor-vehicle injuries, homicide, and suicide. Alcohol use among young people is associated with reduced scholastic achievement, increased delinquency, and the development of psychiatric problems later in life. Alcohol has also been found to precede other illicit drug use, thereby serving as a "gateway" to other drug consumption, including marijuana and cocaine use.

Women and the elderly are also at greater risk for experiencing alcohol harm because of their lower levels of body water, meaning that smaller amounts of alcohol result in higher levels of intoxication than in younger men. Drinking during pregnancy has been linked to higher rates of miscarriage, stillbirth, and premature births, and fetal alcohol syndrome—a set of birth defects caused by maternal consumption of alcohol during pregnancy. For the elderly, drinking even modest amounts of alcohol may cause considerable problems due to chronic illness, interactions with medications, and grief and loneliness from the death of loved ones.

At the same time, moderate to low levels of alcohol consumption have been linked to a lower risk for heart disease and stroke. These positive effects appear to be confined primarily, however, to middle-aged and older individuals in industrialized countries with high rates of cardiovascular diseases. Individuals and populations must weigh the risks and benefits of drinking to themselves and others, including such factors as the situations under which drinking is to take place and the amount likely to be consumed, to determine the net results of drinking.

SOLUTIONS

The burden of alcohol misuse is measured in a number of ways, including the prevalence and incidence of deaths, injuries, and illnesses attributed to alcohol; hospitalization rates; potential years of life lost to alcohol misuse; and quality of life indicators. Vast resources are expended each year in the United States to address the health and social problems resulting from alcohol misuse. Because no single solution can reduce all alcohol-related harm to individuals and populations, a comprehensive approach using a range of strategies that address the multiple causes and dimensions of alcohol problems is needed. These strategies should include educational approaches—such as public health education and awareness programs, including school, family, and community-based prevention programs; environmental approaches—such as controls on the price and availability of alcohol, minimum age for purchase of alcohol, legislative measures to curb driving under the influence of alcohol, and restrictions on the promotion, marketing, and advertising of alcohol; and health care efforts—such as primary health care screening, advice by health care providers, preventive services, and effective treatment using psychological and pharmacological approaches.

For more information about alcohol use among individuals and populations, its relation to health and social problems, or how to reduce alcohol risk, contact the following:

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), Scientific Communications Branch, (301) 443–3860, or online at http://www.niaaa.nih.gov.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, National Clearing-house for Alcohol and Drug Information,(800) 729–6686, or online at http://www.health.org.
National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, (800) NCA-CALL, or online at http://www.ncadd.org.
Healthy People 2010, Objectives on Substance Abuse, (800) 336–4797, or online at http://www.health.gov/healthypeople.
World Health Organization, Health Communication and Public Relations, 41 22/791/2543, or online at http://www.who.ch/.

Top 10 ways to inspire others to be their best

We all know people who are inspiring. But just how does one inspire others? Here are ten simple ways you can inspire people to be their best:

Be a good example. People watch what you do more than they listen to what you say. Be someone worth emulating.
Care about others.

People don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care. Ask questions. Take a genuine interest in people.

Encouragement.

Everyone goes through tough times. When you support people and encourage them through these times, you'll be inspiring them to see the best in themselves and in the situation.

Be inspired yourself.

Look for people, ideas, environments and knowledge that you find inspiring and motivating.

Share from your own experience.

You have more to share than you realize. Mine the rich experiences of your life and share your wisdom from your unique point of view. You may be the only one who can touch someone with your inspiring message.

Be vulnerable.

Be willing to share your failures as well as your successes. Others will relate to you. They'll understand that they're not the only ones with challenges.

Tell stories.

Facts tell and stories sell. They inspire, too. We learn best from parables and we all need to develop our own inspiring stories.

Be a good communicator.

Increasing your ability to communicate effectively is a critical element for you to inspire others. Watch how you speak and what you say. Invest in your communication skills.

Challenge people.

Many of us have had teachers who at times seemed more like tormentors than mentors. They challenged us to do our best, and we were better for it. Practice "care-frontation"— the careful and caring confrontation of others.

Read.

It may not follow that all readers are leaders, but certainly all leaders are readers. Stay informed. Share what you read with others. Tell people about books that have inspired you. Share the knowledge.

7 Rules For A Life Worth Living !!!!!!

Are you writing the story of your life, or are you letting other people and circumstances write it for you? You might not consider yourself a follower, but here are a few signs you aren’t in control:

You don’t like your job - Maybe you picked something because it was easier or safer than your ideal career. Worse, maybe you’re just doing what your family pressured you to do.

You’re living paycheck to paycheck - The problem usually isn’t money, but your priorities. It isn’t hard for the stuff you own to turn around and own you.

You feel obligated to do things you don’t want to do. Your first duty is to yourself. You can’t save the world while you’re miserable.

Leading your life isn’t easy. It means freeing yourself from many different assumptions. That freedom can be initially terrifying and painful, which is why so few people do it. It is far easier to just follow the assumptions of society, even if it leaves you unfulfilled.

Here are 7 rules that can help you start building a life worth living

Rule One: Never let another person dictate the terms for living your life.

Not your parents. Not your spouse. Not your kids. Leading your life means you can accept the input of other people, but the final decision is yours. This means that career choice, relationships, beliefs and way of life are to be judged by you, not anyone else.

This rule holds especially when you have doubts. Don’t let your moment of doubt become a weakness to be exploited by others. Not sure what you want to do with your life? Don’t sit passively and let other people decide for you.

Rule Two: Don’t allow yourself to be chained by consumerism.

The world is filled with stuff. Don’t let stuff get in the way of what is important. When you become chained to your stuff, you are no longer leading your life. Ask yourself: if you had to give up 90% of your net worth tomorrow to pursue your dream, could you do it effortlessly? If you hesitated, perhaps your ability to lead your own life has been weakened by your attachment to stuff.

Rule Three: Rule money. Don’t let money rule you.

Money is a resource that can be applied when leading your life. You can use it to reduce discomforts, focus on meaningful work and apply it to help you learn and improve. But if you’re living paycheck to paycheck, the money is in control.

Here are some goals to put yourself in a position to rule the money in your life:

Maintain one year of emergency funds in the bank.
Your lifestyle should expand at a slower rate than your income grows.
Be able to drastically reduce your expenditures if needed.

Financial freedom doesn’t mean the ability to buy everything you could desire or live in luxury. It means that money becomes a tool and not a distraction in leading your life.

Rule Four: You come first in relationships.

Do you know people that can’t stand being single? They get out of one bad relationship only to jump into the next.

Why? Because they put too much of their needs dependent on that other person. Without emotional and possibly financial support, they can’t survive.

In any relationship you need to be the person that comes first. That means that while you might enjoy the relationship, it doesn’t become the major purpose in your life.

Your purpose and leading your life must come before any relationship you enter. The surprising fact is that when you do this, you are able to have healthier personal and intimate relationships because there is no need for jealousy or possession.

Rule Five: Never outsource your thinking.

“You can split up food between men, but each man must digest it individually.” - Howard Roark in The Fountainhead.

Leading your own life means leading your own beliefs. It means never accepting anything unless you can filter it through your reasoning and find it to be true. Think critically about everything in life. Chances are there are a lot of indigested thoughts floating around trying to bypass your mind and go straight to your gut.

Rule Six: Anything you lack can be trained.

Never accept a fatalistic view of life. So you’ve been told you lack the intelligence, willpower, strength or charisma to do something? Ignore them. So you’ve told yourself that you lack the talent? Ignore yourself.

Begin with the assumption that anything can be trained and you’ll find few exceptions. I used to be a shy, introverted kid. Recently some friends described me as an extreme extrovert, being unafraid to meet new people and having honed my abilities to speak in front of crowds. Begin with the belief that you have no idea where your talents are until you train them.

Rule Seven: Purpose comes from your creative faculties.

Want to know what your purpose in life is? Simple. Hold your hands in front of you. Now look at them. There is your purpose and means to do it.

Purpose is your ability to take the creative energies you have and communicating them with the world. You and I might pick different mediums, but the act of purpose is exactly the same. You could be a manager crafting the art of dealing with people, a programmer crafting the knowledge of algorithms or an entrepreneur crafting the art of a business.

Don’t worry if you haven’t found the right medium. Once you feel that great purpose for your life and it comes from within, that is your greatest asset. With that belief you are the leader of your own life.

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